Today I surprised myself by winning a baby shower game. I didn't even know that I had it in me. It was one of those affairs involving tasting baby food, an experience which (though a blast) helped open my eyes to a cruel injustice being done to infants all around the world; the injustice of feeding babies baby food!
When did I come to this startling realization? I think it was somewhere in between tasting "Banana-Peach-Rice" and smelling the nauseating "Spinach-Carrot" mixture. The memory is branded on my tongue. I'm still convinced that the "protein" in baby food is just dog food ground up and mixed in.
Why do we force these frightening concoctions down our poor, unsuspecting infants' throats? Ihonestly have no idea. There is no mention of children eating mushed up veggies in Hebrews 14. They eat "milk" or "solid food." I don't believe baby food falls into either of those categories.
So what can we do to right this wrong? I tell you; we are going to rise up and storm Gerber inc. with pitchforks and torches! Then we'll force "butternut squash 'n fresh corn!" down the CEO's throats until they beg for mercy.
Okay, so maybe not. Violence is perhaps not the best way. We'll all dress in flowing white and link arms to form a barrier around the baby food section in shopping markets.
But maybe we should do nothing because what would baby showers be without some baby food to taste? Watching ladies, with eyebrows scrunched in concentration, crowd around seven bottles of baby gunk, sniffing and tasting, is priceless. So, infants of America, you'll just have to grin, bear it, and eat it. (And knowing the inherently messy nature of babies, wear it.)