Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Art...

Of prolonging a game of hangman:
This is a comprehensive guide to hangman continuation. Why? Because though nearly everyone has played this simple game before, only a selective few know how to really play it. The masses are under the impression that it is possible to lose hangman. You, my readers, are the privileged few who are going to be enlightened. We'll go through and learn how to play the proper why as well as advancing our artistic abilities.
Starting off, we have a gallows:

I am thinking it looks a little too forbidding. Better change that:
Much better. Now comes the time to think of a word. Nothing too hard at first, of course. Try word that people don't generally know, but aren't so long that the daunted players roll their eyes and leave. You do have to know how to spell the word. Otherwise, people tend to get irritated when they discover they've been wondering what

A ___ O T

could possibly mean, and then once they give up you tell them you were spelling "alot." (No, I have not actually done that.) In my example, I shall use the word, "kaleidoscopic."

After that crucial step is completed, you gather some players (most likely several unwilling immediate family members or some dear friends, or some people who owe you money.) They do some guessing in the traditional manner, and guess e, i, and a. However, then Billybob guesses, "t." You have two options, depending on how long your word is. One, draw a circle head:





Two, draw the top of the skull: You want him to have a strong jaw, right? Then take the next three mistakes to draw the right jaw, left jaw, and the chin.

Use the next mistakes to add details in the order that follows:


Neck

Shoulders

Spine (If your word is very long, try doing this by segment.)

Hips

legs

feet

arms

elbows

hands.



And then the face.

Eyes, (one at a time) eyebrows, (also one at a time) mouth, nose, ears (one at a time.)

Now come the part where you put you imagination to work. There are thousands of details you can add: suit jacket, cumberband, gloves, shoes, a fancy belt, hair (by the strand if you need to) hat, a flower for the button hole, a cape, opera glasses in the hand, (can you tell my hangman is a high-class criminal?) socks, a pocketknife, an earring, etc.


Practice this, first beginning with shorter words and making the drawing last through that. Then work your way to longer words and still keeping the dude alive.
Follow a length guideline something like this:

pi
sly
wallop
panegyrize
Lovingkindness
Sesquipedalianism
Sociopsychocultural
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

Mayhaps you are asking yourself why you would chose to prolong a game of hangman.
First, there are obviously the ethical reasons. Hanging has a definate negative conotation and could possibly reflect that spirit of negativity back on the players, but if insist on playing the game in the first place, then you might as well make it uplifting.

NOTE: To help along the positive message of the game, one can always invent the epilogue, where the nearly hung person goes back to jail, talks to a shrink about his dysfunctional childhood, reforms, and opens the bakery he's always dreamed of once he has paid his debt to society.

"How can I put my newly acquired skills to work?"you ponder. Are you asking yourself what use this ability possibly has? Ask no more:

I will delicately put that this skill is extremely useful for putting certain undesirable events off, namely bedtimes. =D ("Mom, may we play just one more game of hangman before we go to bed" "Sure!" "Yesssss.")

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dadism #4

Did you know that if you learn something new every day of your life for 60 years, then you end up knowing (roughly) 800,000 somethings?

In my book, that's a pretty impressive number. So, this morning, I set out on a quest to learn something new, and I learned precisely what Kombucha was.

Full of my accomplishment, I eagerly asked my dear father when he came home, "Dad have you learned something today?"

His response?

"You know, I did learn something new today. But I already forgot it."

I was struck by the wisdom and profoundness in my Dad's simple statement, and have therefore now amended my resolution to read. "I will now learn and remember something new every day."

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Allow me to introduce...


The new poll in my side bar. Vote away!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Violence in the very young.


My poor little siblings.
Yesterday, unable to resist the pull of the sunny outdoors, Ava, Milo, Bracie and I skipped out for a picnic in our back yard. Blithely, we lunched under a blossoming cherry tree, listened to the bees buzz, and lazed around until Ava, the dear, proposed we play a game of "cat and bird."

"Cat and bird," is one of those wonderfully rousing amusements in which two persons crawl about on the ground, mewling and altogether impersonating a cat, and two other persons skip around, flapping their "wings," not tied to mere earth, but "soaring" heavenward. Or something to that effect. The correct formula for the conflict of the game is this:

cat eats bird
For it is the solemn duty of the "cat" to chase the said "bird" until they make the catch.
Resuming:
Though not naturally inclined to forsake our lounge on picnic blanket, Bracie and I obligingly got up and performed the office of "cat." Fulfilling the solemn duty of big sisters, we waited the proper amount of time to let the "bird" evade us. However, all good things must come to an end, and the time for us to catch the "bird" had come. Stalking the "bird" with refined, agile feline elegance, we slunk closer and closer to our prey, our dear little Ava-bird.
We had her cornered, we jumped, we sprang, we completely took out the bird. Ava wriggling out from our clutches, ran away with, it must be said, a scowl.
She turned to us, the picture of defiance, and triumphantly declared.
"Oh yeah? I am a bird with multiple lasers taped to my wings! And I am in a bubble shield so you CAN'T GET ME!" She pointed her "wings" toward us, the helpless kitties. "KABLAM! KAPOW! hahahahahah! I got you both."
Stunned, Bracie and flopped on the grass and awaited Ava's next move. She marched over to us and told she was finished playing "cat and bird."
"How about we play "duck and wolf?"she asked. "I'll be the duck."
NOTE: For the knowledge of the readers, wolf and duck is nearly identical to cat and bird.
Despite the risk of being blown up or fried with a laser or blasted in smithereens, Bracie and I agreed to play. Before the game, I asked Milo, who was sitting on top of me, if he would like to join. Because the poor little boy looked a little confused, I decided to enlighten him.
"I'll be the wolf, and you be the duck, and I chase you and eat you." Something in his expression told me that my youngest brother was not quite satisfied with these terms.
Disgruntled, he replied, "No. YOU be duck, and I shoot you."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Some of our best and brightest:


"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something." - Dennis Rodman


"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel


"Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Wit.


Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday tooo you,
Happy Birthday tooooooooo...

Honorificabilitudinitatibus. How awesome is that. When was the last time you used that word? Or called someone a "red-tailed-bumble-bee?" Or even gave a comeback as remotely as clever as this:

Beatrice:"I wonder that you willl still be talking, Signor Benedick. Nobody marks you."

Benedick:"What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?"

Beatrice:"Is it possible disdain should die while she hath yet such food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence."

Benedick:"Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted. And I would I could find it in my heart that I has not a hard heart, for truly I love none."

Beatrice: "A dear happiness to women. They else would have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I would rather hear my do bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me."

Benedick:"Keep your ladyship still in that mind. So some gentlemen or other shall scape a predestinate scratched face."

Beatrice: "Scratching could not make it worse an 'twere such a face as yours were."

Okay, now you know who I am talking about:


...SHAKESPEARE

Happy Birthday to you!
Well, tomorrow anyway is day that Will's birthday is "traditionally observed."
That great, supposed day that Will was born on, is now officially "TALK LIKE SHAKESPEARE DAY!" How insanely awesome is that?

Don't worry. I know that I am not as clever as Shakespeare, and I have no unreasonable expectations of you. Thus, I merely request that you add an "eth" to the end of your verbs, say "prithee" whenever you must ask a question, use "thy" instead of "yours" and "thee" instead of "you all," exclaim "O!" dramatically, and the like.


Here are some words to use to get you started:
bids, By my troth,Come hither! (That one is for all mothers out there.)Hath, Dost, lest, twas, tis,

To sum this post up:
Speaketh, mine gentle readers, with great wit and cut bountiful capers with thy tongue. Or thee will find thyself to be a false caterpillar, or a fat chuff.
"There is many a man who hath more hair than wit."-Shakespeare. Who else?
Will's works are absolutely honorificabilitudinitatibus.

http://www.talklikeshakespeare.org/

Monday, April 20, 2009

Travels

Bracie and I spent the last week in Colorado for a speech tournament, and I would like to share with you some pictures of the lovely CO scenery:


Here is the big blue horse that everyone hates that killed its sculptor:

The fair city of Colorado Springs is filled with artwork:


On a slightly more random note, here we have a picture of Ralph and Leisl from that wonderful
musical,The Sound of Music:


The following photograph is of... well, a bunch of people from WA.

An even "lovelier" piece of CO Springs artwork:

I believe that YOU, gentle readers, are up to the task of guessing which photo is an aerial view of WA, and which is CO.


Sunday, April 19, 2009

Ode to Speech and Debate

Sing to the tune of "Favorite things" from The Sound of Music with some friends in front of several hundred people for the best effect.

Red clicker pens on a bright yellow flow pad,
Evidence twisted so it won't sound too bad,
I find my sanity's only so-so,
Community judges: Oh won't you please flow?
When the snow blows,
When the neg. pwns,
When my nylons run
I simply remember the rest of these things,
Thank goodness the round is done!
My Extemp. speech,
Didn't say much,
Judges thought it dull
The left one kept snoring-he thought it too boring,
To stay awake through the whole.
I must admit that my throat's raw from screaming,
But to be honest my D.I. is creaming,
I scare the judges each time I go in,
And while they're crying they give me the win!
7 speeches,
And debate too,
How will I get through?
Will someone please tell me what pernicious means?
I'm up in Impromptu!

FYI for non-NCFCA-ers:
Flow: Following the debate on paper
Neg: Negative =D
Pwn: Complete domination in a debate round
Extemp: Extemporaneous
DI: Dramatic Interpretation

Monday, April 13, 2009

Elderly Elevator

I am thinking that my next poll will be on what I should call my movie-company-thingumabob. It includes just about everyone in my circle of acquaintances! I would love if you were to comment with suggestions.

Enjoy! (At least, I hope you will!)


video

Sunday, April 12, 2009

He is risen!

Rom 6:9 We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.

1Co 15:55 "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"

Today is a day for rejoicing and remembering.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Breaking News!

The latest Striking Statistics:


10 out of 10 people die.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Joyeux Anniversaire Bracie!


Happy Birthday to the World's Best Sister! I could never ask for a better sister, and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to find one. We have had so many jolly romps together, gotten in so much mischief together, and gone on so many adventures.
The word "belated" is very, very handy, especially if you are moi. Why? Because this is Bracie's birthday post, and I can think of no more fitting adjective than "belated."
This is a wonderful occasion to be reminded of just how awesome Bracie is.
By the way, if you went to the trouble of counting the candles in the picture, I may candidly tell you that she is not turning 7.

In fact, she turned...

16

Sixteen

seize

die Sechzehn

szesnastka

šestnáct

Sixteen used to be an awfully big number, but I have to say Bracie is settling into sixteen just splendidly.

For her birthday, we went to Pike Place market where we encountered some very strange bathrooms, listened to street musicians, drank coffee, watch fish sail through the air, asked for job applications at said fish stand, tried on prom dresses under the disapproving eye of the clerk, bough tulips and the very strangest, were told by an eccentric gentlemen that if bought his rings, Mom would pay and it would be very easy to catch a boyfriend. (I am sensing we had some differing priorities.)

After Pike Place, we headed to the Seattle Goodwill where we assiduously search for the store's ugliest article of clothing. I declare myself the winner; I found a dress which closely resembled that of a clown's. Its bright pattern consisted of gigantic tomatoes and sliced lemons! The floor length garment also sported a white collar in the style of Sir Walter Raleigh. It wasn't even found in the costume section!

However, hats are off to Bracie, who managed to unearth the most hideous piece of jewelry, without even intending to! First, let me establish that I, 99.3% of the time, agree with her sense of fashion, but this case was unique. This instance started out in the checkout isle. Exhausted, I stood waiting as the cashier slid item after item into bags. Hearing a gasp of rapture and delight, I turned to behold Bracie triumphantly displaying a necklace of putrid brown beads. Even now I cannot describe them. They were simply awful. I tried to break this fact to Bracie gently.

"That is one ugly necklace," I said.

Bracie looked at me. "You don't think they're pretty?"

I shook my head fiercely.

After receiving disparaging remarks from her friend, Bracie turned to her mother, usually her staunchest supporter.

"Do you think they're pretty?"

Mom looked at Bracie and spoke two syllables. "Uh, No." She then, on impulse, took the beads and held them up to the cashier. "Do YOU think they are pretty?"

His answer was quick and sure: "Uh, NO!"

In the end, Bracie didn't purchase the necklace. But she received many lovely presents and we had a jolly time.

It was delightful.
So, here's to many more splendid years for the World's Best Sister!

Parody

This is super awesome.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Fodder

Attention!
During my vacation from blogging, read this insanely awesome blog:


It's gnarly.
Libby finally got around to starting a blog with her brother, Jare. (Join the club!)
So, check this fabulously bodacious blog out.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Family Photo Shoot

Here are a bunch of pictures of a bunch of people you probably don't know.



What more can I say besides "Weird is the New Normal?"


(With honorary cousin Gabby and real cousin Audrey) So, yes, I am related to two of them!