Thursday, December 3, 2009

Protest gravity!

The forces of nature and the principles of science have been conspiring against me.

It's true. They are malignant, always seeking to bring me down. Why? I don't know. Go ask a hurricance. But, every morning for the past week, they have sought to keep me from waking up at a decent time. I want to get up at seven. It is an apt time, because much earlier, and I won't get up at all. *blushes* Yes, it is too true: I am sadly um, sad, when it comes to getting up. The malicious forces of nature and principles of science know this, and are using it to my disadvantage.

How? It's all a matter of alarm clocks. Through a startling discovery I made in the past couple days, I now know what the lowest point of gravity is on an alarm clock.

In researching the subject, I found this poignant quote: "“Gravity is a myth, the Earth stinks."

First of all, that quote can't be true, because, well, people in Australia aren't falling off the side of the earth. Secondly and more importantly, it is true because my alarm clock doesn't wake me up at 7 in the morning. It wakes me up at the lowest point of gravity. 6.

Yesterday, (at 6 a.m., I might add) I found that the spring which holds the alarm in place on my analog clock is broken. Don't even think of that! It was gravity's fault, not mine! It broke when it fell, and the world fell determines that gravity was involved.
So every morning, the alarm sets itself to six and wakes me up too early, which in turn causes me to fall back asleep, which in turn causes me to wake up at eight, not seven, which in turn causes me to miss my morning run, which in turn causes me to not be tired at ten p.m. when I'm supposed to be going to bed!

In conclusion, alarm clocks are ruining my life. I am now protesting gravity.

(And in case you know me, yes, this is the clock that I got from Z at a white elephant gift exchange two Christmasses ago.)


Haley Kovach said...

Defy gravity, Ophelia!!!!!!!!!! (by the way, I slept in this morning too, although not to the fault of my alarm clock... just because I turned it off and went back to sleep. :) It was nice seeing you last night! (hmm, that had nothing to do with your post... whatever :))

Bracie said...

Ha. ZP is finally right. His old alarm clock IS broken...

Jare and Lib said...

Hehehe, who would of know that Z’s old alarm clock would become famous on your blog!

I feel for you sist'a! I know how that is...though I have the gift (really is a curse my mother tells me) to simply sleep through its mad beeping frenzy... I'm still not sure if I like that or not.


Problematic said...

"With you I'll try defying gravity... and you can't hold me down!"

The Escapist said...

we should all group up and go protest gravity at a cliff somewhere... Niagra Falls, maybe.

Hannah said...

Oh, you are so funny! I find the weirdest thing I do with alarm clocks is wake up at 1am in the morning, think I've missed my alarm clock and am late [you can never tell what time it is now that it's so dark] and get myself all nice and awake...only to find it is still the middle of the night. >.<

Anonymous said...

Um, 6:30 is the lowest point of gravity on the clock. Just sayin'. ;-)

Ashley said...

I remember the clock... Here is a quote about gravity-
I’m not a klutz.
What you call being klutzy is just my incomprehensible, spontaneous awesomeness
That is too great for gravity, causing me to fall over.